"So I'm standing in the middle of my room with a flaming umbrella in my right hand, and a crazy Chihuahua that i don't own in the left. I can't let go of either to take care of the other.
So I started kind of swinging the umbrella ya know? Hoping it would just blow out. But I hit the Chihuahua in the face and I knocked him out of my hand. He just went limp and fell INTO my purse. My GUCCI purse! I paid 400 dollars for that purse.
So now there is a Chihuahua, an unconscious Chihuahua in my 400 dollar purse. I mean I'm pretty sure he was unconscious and not dead because it was only one of these mini umbrellas ya know? But now I had a free hand, and the umbrella was still on fire, so I ran into the bathroom and threw my torch in the toilet.
After that I just sat down and cried for like 20 minutes before I remembered the Chihuahua was still in my purse! So I ran back into my room and the the Chihuahua AND my purse were gone. Oh my god I was so pissed, that damn dog hadn't died, and the son of a bitch had stolen my purse!"
-RTB, Written for a friend's theater audition
